The Prisoner of Azkaban
by WhereverUAre
Summary: His story through his eyes.


Hello. My name is Sirius black. I'm here to share my story.

Childhood

I was born as the oldest son of Orion and Walburga black. As the heir to the black family tree, my parents had big dreams for me of course. A proper pure-blood boy with proper pride and et al. three years after my birth, my parents were blessed with another child. My younger brother regulus. I loved him very much. The day he wrapped his three week old fingers around my finger, I swore to protect him from anything that could ever harm him. As we grew older I realized that my brother were similar in so many ways, and different in so many other ways. He found it very important to keep our parents happy. Even I found it important then, but there always this part of brain which wanted to disagree with everything my parents had to say about. But I kept quite, I was the oldest son, I was supposed to set an example.

Year one

the day my parents left me on the platform to Hogwarts express, I slipped away from the company of my suffocating cousins. To be fair Andromeda wasn't so troublesome but she was so much older than I was. I yearned for company of my own age. And that was what I found. I met james and jasmine potter on the potter twins were so different from anyone I was ever allowed to meet. The moment I knew they were potters, some os the pure-bloods I was forbidden to speak to , I was thrilled at my first encounter with rule-breaking. Little did I know that this was going to change my life forever. We became friends instantly. Their life of freedom and frolic amazed me. We made other friends too. Remus,William and peter.

I remember my knees going a little weak when I entered the great hall for the first time. I was one of the first few names, I remember promising myself t ochange my name to Sirius zyzyou. I was placed in Gryffindor. That instant my life had changed forever. Life as I knew it was gone. The second the hat yelled out the name of the house, silence echoed around the hall. I could see the stunned and disappointed faces of my cousins. I looked into professor McGonagall's eyes, hoping that she could give me another go at the hat. Her face softened a little, as she nudged me towards the Gryffindor table. This red head named lily sat next to me. James,jasmine and William followed remus and peter on the table. There were three other girls in our year. I didn't know them yet. Once the sorting commenced , I decided that I would go to dumbledore and speak to him. Something had to be done said the black part of my head. The other voice, the Sirius voice, wanted me to shut up and stay put. This was where I would be happy it told me. Duty won over happiness as I resolced to meet the headmaster and convince him to give me another shot at the sorting hat. I made this decision because of the fear rather than rationality as I tried to convince myself. I knew what my parents were capable of.

The next day I tried to talk to Dumbledore. He seemed sympathetic but politely told me that it wasn't possible. I debated telling him about the consequences I might have to face, but I thought against it. I had soiled the family name enough by getting into Gryffindor already.

The annoying part of being in a big family was that nothing was a secret. By lunch of my first day, my parents were in school. I was called out of my class and taken to the head's office again. I was greeted by the sight of my furious parents and professor Dumbledore trying to calm them down. The moment I walked in, my mother grabbed my upper arm in a firm grip as she asked the headmaster in acold voice, " are you sure that there is nothing you can do professor?"

Dumbledore sadly shook his head.

With a formal nod my parents dragged me off to the fireplace while Dumbledore stared at me with deep regret in his eyes.

I gulped heavily the minute I landed in the house of black. My parents dragged me out of the fireplace and mother began screaming cruel things at me. About blood traitors, shame and blackened fa e, as I heard scream abuses at me I could also hear the sound of my heart dropping out of my chest.

All I ever wanted was to make you and father proud, I'm sorry was what was repeating in my head. But I couldn't find my voice. The way father walked around the room glaring at me kept crushing every bit of courage I could generate in my body. I numbly stared at them as my mother continued to scream her heart out. After a while I stopped listening to her, I was staring at my father. Finally, I don't know what changed my father walked towards me and flung me across the room. And then I could no longer see,hear or think.

It was searing pain. I felt everything breaking and poking and screaming. After a while, I could see again. Apparently, my parents were taking a break from my punishment. I could make out the moment of my father's shoes on the red carpet which was once white. I could make out the foot of the stairs that led to the bedrooms. I could not see my mother but I could feel her presence. My father realized I was awake again and I felt his foot connect with my broken ribs, I think that was the first time I screamed in pain, because my little brother came running down the stairs. He was probably met with the unpleasant sight of my father kicking me. He fell at my father's feet and was begging him through his tears.

"please hurt me father, don't hurt Sirius. Hurt me instead." He cried.

My little reggie. He was begging my father to leave me and hurt him instead. My father kicked reggie out of his way and stormed of his to room. My mother followed after carefully crushing my fingers under her high heels. My brother hovered over me, through his tears, begging me to say something. Oh reggie. My sweet little brother, how I love you. I blacked out soon after. When I woke up a day later, my mother sent our house-elf to fix me up and hide all signs of abuse from my face and I was sent back to school.

I was lost. I never showed my vulnerability to my friends. I had excellent friends. I never deserved friends like that. James was always thinking of some pranks and jokes while jazz, his twin would enthusiactically add her own Ideas.i accompanied them in their pranks. I kept smiling and laughing. Remus and will would quietly ask us to stop while peter would follow around trying to keep up with everything going around one realized what was going on in my head. I found comfort in that. I would cover my pain with fun and laughter adntry lose myself in it.

Everynight I would sneak out for a walk.

I would walk all around the castle grounds trying to think about home and my brother. I was trying to set everything right. During on of these walks I found my place. It was a small pond, a back water of the lake. You had to deal with a few prickly bushes and climb up a small hill and on the other side was my haven. I came here to be myself. To relax,drop the mask and fall in exhaustion that seemed to drag me down everyday.

Everytime the holidays came around I couldn't breathe easily. I knew what awaited me at home. Angry parenst and a scared younger brother.

I braved through my holidays as my father hit me and my mother cursed me. I never screamed because I knew that my brother was straining his ears on the other side of his l;ocked door to make sure that I was not in too much pain.

I would go back to school and pour every ounce of my heart into loving my friends. As any human, I needed love and affection. If my family wasn't going to give it to me, I could find another loving and being loved wasn't enough. I needed release from my misery. I had to tell someone. But I knew I couldn't. if word got out. My brother would be doomed. I had promised never to let anything hurt him. I had failed it once. I was not going to let it happen again.

I put o a brave mask over my trembling face and braved everything. Taunts from my cousins, untrusting glances of my seniors of the house. My friends were of course never the onces to let things pass quietly. James,jazz and will were purbloods too but they never listened to the whole mudblood business. They faithfully defended me until I had the courage to fight back on my own.

I'll never be able to forget them. James with his limitless imagination and pranks. Jazz with her unbound energy and infectuos happiness and joy. Will and his calm courage and loyal faith. Remus and his shy smiles and silent disagreements and his efforts to keep the rest out of trouble. Peter with his quite support and blind faith in us.

After all those years of being friends, spending time with remus was too taxing. We had been in too many happy memoiries together and evrytime I would look at him, it would remind ne of some of them and leave me moping for a long time afterwards. It was bad enough that I wastrapped in a house where I was almost killed by my own father. Remus was such difficult company now. I would be left greif-ridden for hours,days and months after meeting him. Even thinking of him reminds me of times which make my heart weep. How did it all go away. What did we do to receive such pain? Seeing remus now. Old and defeated. It killed me. I could always imagine will or james with their arms over his shoulders or jazz laughing at him or lily holding his hand. I guess the age of the marauders had died long back, and trying to pull it back caused more harm to the both of us than good.


End file.
